Happiness killers

When it comes to finding happiness, the usual approach is to find ways to achieve that goal. Of course, it is intuitively the logical angle, but is it really? I am asking the question because most people either look for or offer “recipes”. Considering the amount of books, methods and “gurus” of all sorts, one would think that everybody would be happy by now. Unfortunately, the ways to find happiness are very similar in their outcome as the many diets promising you to lose weight. Only a lucky few succeed. One of my favorite ways of dealing with impasses is to turn the issue around and ask why it does not work. If it is difficult to find an effective method to be happy, maybe it is better to remove all the clutter first and look at what hinders you from being happy. It is interesting to move away from “How can I be happy?” to “Why am I not happy?” There are many kinds of reasons for that and many of them are sheer happiness killers. Let’s review here a number of them, in no particular order.

Envy

There has to be a reason why envy is listed as one of the seven deadly sins. It just makes those suffering of it plain miserable. Wanting the same as what others have is not bringing you happiness if it is not really what you want or need. At best, it can bring some temporary satisfaction or relief, but then there is always something else coming in the picture creating desire and therefore frustration. Happiness is a very personal matter. What makes you happy is not what make others happy. Keeping up with the Joneses or following the herd is actually is major case of self negligence. No wonder that envy is always in the way of genuine happiness. It can also get people in trouble. How many people spend more than they should and get themselves in financial trouble and stress just to have things that does not deliver what they are supposed to? That even adds to the unhappiness.

Ego

What a powerful thing is an ego! The problem is that the bigger it is, the more it obstructs the path to happiness. There is nothing like a bit of overblown pride to thwart happiness. Instead of being open to positive change and help, ego will actually cause more blindness and resistance to improvement, and for what? Of course, ego makes some people achieve a lot in their lives, although often it is more about fighting the acceptance of their own insecurities. What better example of this than Orange POTUS #45 (aka Trump), constantly erring in denial, anger and bargaining to fight old demons and refuse reality because it is too scary. You can become the supposedly most powerful person on Earth and yet be insecure, scared and miserable as hell. It is up to you if you wish your ego to stand in the way to happiness.

Superficiality

This is a side effect of envy. If the purpose is to keep up, then you are actually only busy putting up a show. It is not so much about substance as it is about appearance, and let’s face it whether you realize it or not, unconsciously you know that you are only busy filling a big vacuum. And instead of filling it with substance, you are only filling it with hot air. Then, it keeps feeling empty and that is why it feels unhappy. As the term says it, self-esteem is about self. Your self-esteem is about you. If you let the outside world define how you should be and what you should do, there will be little hope to be truly happy. Happiness is personal and you are the only one who knows what is good for you. Nobody else does. There you have it, do what you enjoy doing. Do what makes you happy. There is a reason why this works. Because when you do what makes you happy, your serotonin level gets a boost and that feels great. Neurologists have discovered a long time ago that creatures (not just humans) are always coming back for what gives them pleasure and always try to avoid what they feels as unpleasant.

Doing something you don’t like

Beyond the fact that doing something you don’t like is no fun and clearly won’t make you happy, it is also often a serious source of stress. This is particularly true when it comes to work. Having to go day after day to a place that you dread and resent cannot be good for you. Unfortunately, there are so many people who live this life. Stress is bad for the health, both mental and physical as the two really go hand in hand. How many people just choose for the slow death, somehow thinking that this is the way life is and/or because they fear the alternative. As the saying goes, better the devil you know than the one you don’t. The only problem with this approach is that the devil you know is just that: the devil, and generally speaking it is not a happy company. The solution here is to dare changing your life and that is scary.

Fear of changing something and fear of failure

It is just stating the obvious, but it is true: fear is scary. Fear is paralyzing, too. It is actually what happens in the wild. Fear is a defense mechanism. In that sense, it is a good thing, but the problem is that it is so only if there is real and actual danger. Fear of the unknown is a bit different. The unknown can be scary but it does not mean that it is dangerous. It can be or at least feel risky. There is a chance to take but what is the alternative? Waiting for death? Perhaps, it makes more sense to feel alive, though. Life is about taking chances. When applying for a job, there is the possibility to not get the position. When feeling attracted to someone, there is the possibility to be rejected. But there is always the possibility to get the job and to find love. The only way to know if you can swim is to go in the water. That is scary, too, but it is life. It always comes down to one simple question: “What would you do if you could not fail?” Answer that question and then go for it. If you still feel scared, just realise that there will always be more opportunities later anyway. You might trip on this one attempt, but you just get back on your feet and try again. The only true failure is to not try. The thing with trying is that after a few attempts, it kind of becomes fun to do, although every time there will be that uneasy feeling in your stomach, but that is part of the excitement!

Taking things too seriously, lack of humour

What comes to mind when you think happiness? To me, it would be smile and laughter. Happiness, unlike stress, makes you relax, and when you relax, you smile. In my opinion, it is just that simple. So don’t take things too seriously, after all in the grand scheme of things, everything can be put into a different perspective, to some extent. A good example of that is the song from Monty Python’s movie, The Life of Brian. We come with nothing; we leave with nothing; so we lose nothing. The movie also shows how dangerous and nutty people who take things very seriously can get. Just look around in the world. All the fascists, fanatics and extremists all share one characteristic: they haven’t got much sense of humour, and they tend to kill those who do. The same thing can be noticed with social media and the online shaming and lynching by the digital crusaders and other puritans, aka keyboard warriors. Actually, what do they have in common with their aggressive and intolerant behaviour? Just think about it for a few moments. Here is the answer: they are all very unhappy, probably mostly about their own shortcomings and failures, and they translate that hate of their lives into the hate of those who they think have managed to have it better than they do. What is that word already? Oh yes: envy. Let’s face it; there is no happiness without laughter and humour. Humour is actually a defusing mechanism. It helps us deal with absurdity and impasses by turning a situation into what ridicule it contains. Humour is a way to blow some steam without violence. We have another way to deal with absurdity and frustration and that is a much less pleasant one than telling a joke. The other way is violence. It is also a very natural way of dealing with frustration. It liberates energy and makes the perpetrator feel good. Of course, it is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict, but it exists and we must not be naïve about it. Just see the rate of domestic violence that has taken place during the Covid-19 lockdowns to see my point. Humour and laughter make people feel good and it has lasting power. Opposite to that, violence does neither. It does not make others feels good and it has no lasting power for the perpetrator’s satisfaction.

Taking things personally

Slightly on the side of the previous point, also about my point on ego, but also about taking things seriously, is to think that everything that happens is about you. Wouldn’t that be wonderful if the entire universe revolved around that one so very special person? It probably would, but it just does not, so let’s get over it and have more humility! At the beginning of my career, I remember a sign that was posted at the door of the mail room of the company where I worked. It was humour, you know, the stuff that makes happy. It said “Do not come here to talk about you, we do plenty of that when you are not around”. I found that was quite funny, and actually very true, as people are people and you can be sure they will judge you, whatever you do. The thing about taking things personally is that it makes you become oversensitive to what happens. I don’t think that there has ever been anyone who has had nothing bad happening to him or her in life. That is the way it goes. We all experience setbacks and disappointments. There are always moments that feel unfair and make us sad and/or angry. That is life. As Nietzsche said “what does not kill you makes you stronger”. That is very true. We do become stronger from those events. We do not really grow from comfort and an easy life. We grow from learning and we learn best from when it is tough. So, it is better to find ways of growing a thicker skin because it helps dealing with disappointments and setbacks much better, and that then leads to a much better ability to find happiness.

Too high standards and expectations

Here is a real killer: aiming for the unattainable! There is no better way to be disappointed than to set the bar too high, because whatever we try and do, we always fail, and the others always fail us. This is the perfect recipe for an everything-sucks state of mind. Let’s think a little here. Is it possible to get some happiness for a self-inflicted world of every sucking? You know the answer as well as I do and I will not elaborate any further. Just adjust your standards and expectations to something realistic. First, who might one be to think that they can set standards to others? If they do not like the people in their lives, they should just go look for some other ones. Also, be cautious about being too demanding, as the result is that others will walk away from you and you might end up alone, and that does not make anyone happy. But adjusting expectations and standards does not mean not having ambitious ones; it is good to have ambition in life. It gives motivation and a sense of purpose. Achieving a better life always increase happiness. It is just that you must aim at ambitious goals but they also must be realistic. Here, realistic is of the essence because as the word says it, it is about reality. Living outside of reality to eventually discover that it is a mistake is a good way to kill happiness.

Negativity, being judgemental

Here is a side effect of unrealistic expectations and considering oneself as the universal standard. We all do some of that at some point and we are all the target of some judgement by others at some point, too. I am not going to set unrealistic standards to human nature and say we should never be negative or judgmental. I would be disappointed and that could make me bitter. Like all things in life, it is a matter of moderation. The negativity that comes from the everything-sucks perception of one’s world is simply destructive. It is a spiral nobody should enter and that anyone stuck in it needs to get out as soon as possible. It is not easy because those suffering from chronic negativity find some sort of a masochistic pleasure in it. It is a great way to deflect one’s own unhappiness on others. After all, everything is the others’ fault. Negativity morphs into victimization –even martyrdom- and self-pitying. Good luck to ever be happy with that! The same thing applies about being judgemental. It really is about comparing oneself with others. It is in a way another manifestation of envy and ego. The problem with comparing is that by doing so, we lose the focus of finding happiness, which is always inside of us, and try to define ourselves relatively to others, which never provides happiness, because our own happiness does not live in other people’s lives.

Not enough communication

Last but not least on this list, communication is of such importance in life in general and happiness in particular. Communication feels good. It is a way of sharing one’s own burden with others, which makes it lighter to bear. Communication also helps others doing the same with us and it gives us a good feeling to help others, especially our loved ones. Communication is the only way we have to solve problems. If we keep our problems inside, how can we or anyone else solve them? Getting input from others and from a different and more objective perspective is quite useful to overcome setbacks and get back on our feet. If we do not do that, there is no way to improve, to learn and to move forward. Without communication, a person is stuck and we all know that this feeling is not conducive for happiness. Nothing is so important that it cannot be addressed and solved. Communication is the way to resolve and avoid conflicts from turning into destructive behaviour. Sadly, too many people suffer from a lack of communication and that is why they decide for alternatives with negative consequences, in which happiness cannot even find its way in. Communicate, and especially listen! This is the greatest gift you can do to another human being.

Copyright 2021 – Christophe Pelletier – The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

The little things that make happy

Happiness is quite the popular topic. There are countless books and publications on the subject and yet people still seem to have a hard time finding happiness. Here follows a little story about something rather benign that made me happy. I do not really know why but it did, and I want to share it because there are interesting lessons to learn from it.

One of my pair of shoes, which I bought some 12 years ago look beaten up. They are waterproof hiking shoes and I have to admit that I had not taken the best care of them all these years. They look so beaten up that over the past few years I had used them only for gardening purposes. Of course, they got dirtier and more beaten up but they are sturdy and so I kept using them. Lately, I used them to shovel snow and they got wet and showed some tough water stains. It reached a level of ugliness that bothered me. So, I looked at what kind of shoe care products we have in the house. My wife has a quite a collection of such products and I found a few that would help the shoes look a little bit better. I gave the shoes a good scrubbing and brushing. I applied care products a few times in all the creases and cracks to make sure they would nourish the leather. I finished with a good shoeshine and polishing and… I could not believe my eyes. I bought some new shoelaces and the shoes now look really great, almost as good as new. They look so good that I do not use them just for the garden anymore, but I use them for my trips to town during the winter. They are waterproof, comfortable and warm. That is ideal for our winter conditions here. It is also a lot cheaper than buying new shoes. I cannot explain why, but restoring these shoes has really made me happy. I am proud of them and I am proud of myself. Silly? Perhaps, but who cares anyway? All that matters is that it makes me happy. That is lesson one. Your happiness is for yourself only. Others do not have to understand or agree. As long as your happiness does not harm anyone else, it is nobody else’s business.

Lesson one is really important because it comes to a simple fact: happiness is about you, not about pleasing others, which means that others are not the ones deciding what makes you happy. But there are more lessons from this:

  • Happiness is what make you feel good, regardless of what it is. There are no particular rules.
  • Happiness is not necessarily about grand ideals. In fact, most of the time, it is not. It is about the little things, because little things are easier to achieve than bearing the world’s salvation on your shoulders.
  • Happiness is not about money. For my shoes, all it took was some care products that we had in the house for years and a pair of new shoelaces. The total cost was just a few bucks, while buying similar new shoes would have cost at least 30 times more. Perhaps, the fact that the restoration cost so little was part of the happiness.
  • Happiness is not about others, but it is about what you think and feel. Yet, I got some positive comments on my shoes, so I guess it confirms that they look good.
  • Happiness is not about having fancy things or high-tech stuff. These are stupid hiking shoes and all it took was some shoe care products, a rag and, bit of elbow grease and less than a quarter of an hour.

If we focused on the little things of daily life that make us feel good, instead of desperately trying to keep up with trends to impress others, the world would be happier, except for  marketers of course, but they, too, might find happiness in something else than what they currently do. To be happy, follow your feelings, not the trends. Happiness can only come from inside.

Copyright 2020 – Christophe Pelletier – The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

Are you depressed today?

It is useful to read the news. Apparently, this is Blue Monday (yes with capital letters). I did not even know that. Actually, I woke up rather upbeat, and then, boom, I saw the headlines. Today is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. Why? I have no idea. Is it true? Apparently, there is no scientific proof of that at all. Nonetheless, there is not one media outlet that does not mention today’s blues. If there is something I would find depressing, this sheep-like behavior of the media would be it. They all present the same lame and useless topics to pretend to be on top of the latest news, except that this is not about information but simply gossip and trying to feel trendy and get attention.

There is no reason to feel any more depressed today than any other day. Do not let people trying to sell something talk you down! All that matters is to have a positive look at life and get up with the desire of making the day interesting. At least, that is my philosophy. If you start the day convincing yourself that it will be a terrible one, then of course, you already have spoiled it for yourself. But do not blame the calendar for it because in this case the culprit is you. It is true that winter time can be dull at times. There is less daylight and the weather can be sometimes unfriendly, but that is no good reason to feel bad. Winter is temporary and soon nicer days will come. Here where I live in Canada, we have had some nasty cold and quite the dump of snow the last couple of weeks. The wind was cutting like a knife through the several layers of clothes that I wore but I had a great time being outside shoveling the snow about every day. I got a great work out and once back inside, I actually felt as warm as during my recent stay in Florida.

Happiness really starts with the mind. Although life can bring hardships, we always have the choice between making ourselves miserable or happy. It is easier said than done, that is true. Nonetheless, it can be done. And there is nothing wrong to also decide to freewheel mentally for a day or two if it feels like too much of an effort. Take your time to recharge the batteries, but never ever just give up on your day because the media tells you a bogus story. Since when should we believe everything that is on internet?

Happiness does not fall on your lap. It is something that you must nurture. Just like a relationship, it is something that is never over. Happiness is something to perfect and polish a little more every day. The effort is worth it because happiness feels good and everybody wants more of a good thing. That is a simple neurologic truth. Besides, is the alternative better? I doubt that most people enjoy feeling crappy, and often they do because they set their mind on feeling so.

Forget about the gloom that sensationalism sellers try to make you believe. Embrace this Monday 20 January and make something good out of it.

Enjoy your day! … and tomorrow and the day after that, etc… The choice is yours.

Copyright 2020 – Christophe Pelletier – The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

Happiness: Always more vs. always enough

It has been a while since my last article on this blog. I guess I have been rather busy. I intend to write more regularly in the future. The main reason is that happiness is an important topic, although too often neglected, just like health. Yet, both are interdependent.

I will resume by looking at whether happiness is the result of always wanting and having more or whether it is just about having always enough. The current economic model is really all about pushing people to always want more. Enough seems just not enough. It is true if the main parameter of economic performance is the GDP, but is the GDP the right indicator?

Happiness is a theme that comes and goes. During periods of economic growth, it seems to be overlooked as shopping seems to be the panacea for continuous bliss. But when the economy is not doing so well, then happiness reappears as an important theme. It was quite noticeable during the Great Recession of 2008. Since money was a bit short and the outlook uncertain, happiness suddenly emerged as being something of value. Even political leaders and the UN were engaging in attempts to use happiness as an indicator of prosperity and considered as something to assess how countries are doing. The example that they all referred to was Bhutan, which has happiness as one of its parameters. The media were adamant about it. It sounded promising and we were perhaps headed toward a different ranking of what is truly important and what makes people happy but then something terrible happened: the economy started to boom again. Since then, who talks about Bhutan and its happiness indicator for global improvement of societies anymore?

With the economy doing well and people having more disposable income, the main concern became the old one again: how to give your hard-earned work money to corporations as quickly and as much as possible and dig yourself into debt? I guess that I am old school but I am not really keen on giving the money that I earn to the richest 1%. For some reason, I believe that they already have more than enough to sustain themselves. Of course, this is a bit of sarcasm but the true reason, as far as I am concerned, is that I do not need always more to be happy. I have reached a point in my life where I have about all I need and I do not feel that I should waste my time and my money in the consumerism rat race.

So let’s have a look at the always more vs. always enough question. The economic model, based on GDP, wants the economy to be about always more transactions (i.e. buying stuff). The GDP is an indicator of growth but it has no particular focus on whether the growth is quantitative or qualitative. In other words, the economy is about buying –and producing- always more, regardless of whether it creates wealth or chaos. One of the reasons is what economists call externalities, which simply put are the long-term economic costs (negative externalities) or benefits (positive externalities). For instance, if mass production means damaging the environment in such a way that health costs increase for the society, these health care costs are not factored in the cost of production and the price of the consumption goods. An interesting illustration could be the health cost of bad nutrition. Society pays for the health care costs of diabetes, cardiovascular diseases and some cancers, but producers and sellers of foods that contribute to the diseases are not charged for the health care costs and thus the health cost of bad foods is not included in the price of foods. Profits are individualized and costs are socialized.

In a system that is focused on quantitative growth (always more), the externalities are something that will have to be looked at later. If we deplete resources or damage our living environment, that is not the problem of today’s GDP, and that is the core of all the difficulties to address climate change for instance. The engine behind quantitative growth is marketing, which has become the art of making you buy a whole bunch of things that you do not really need with money that you do not even need to have right now, either. These consequences will have to be addressed later. They are externalities. To push you to want always more, marketing will trigger all your insecurities and hidden fears. You might not be “cool” or not sexy or not modern or not trendy or not special enough, etc etc… you name it. Well, you cannot live like that, can you? Fortunately, somebody somewhere has exactly what you need to hide all your “flaws” and fool the rest of the world. All you need to do is to spend your money and it will be all fine… for the corporations and the stock markets.

Opposite of that never-ending race, there is the always enough strategy. Just like with always more, you must earn money to sustain such an approach. It is not free, either. The difference is that you will not need as much money as with the always more concept. You also will have to develop a thick skin against all the mind games tricks from the marketers and not mind whatever you neighbours, friends or colleagues may think of you. The thick skin has a name: happiness, and it makes you almost indestructible. Actually, the always enough philosophy rests on qualitative growth. It is about growth that does not have externalities and long-term consequences that cannot be managed. It is much healthier for your finances and it is much gentler on the planet as well. Qualitative growth is the only truly sustainable economic growth model. On the opposite, quantitative growth is not sustainable. In a closed system with finite resources, “always more” leads inevitably to “no more”. The only thing we do not know is when that day will come. That is what wondering about what world we will leave to future generations really comes down to.

Back to the thick skin I mentioned earlier. How can one grow it? Well, while always more is all about having more stuff, always enough is about covering your needs and just that. The focus is about defining yourself by what you are and what you have inside. It is about your own quality, hence the relation to qualitative growth. The model about quantitative growth wants you to define yourself by what you have, by what you buy, it comes from outside (the retailers and the producers), not from inside. If you look at it from a happiness point of view, there are simple questions with simple answers.

  • If you want always more, what is it that you are truly missing?
  • If you are happy, why do you need more?
  • If marketers and corporations decide how you should lead your life, then are you really in charge and in control of your life or are you just being played with? And can you be happy about that?

Another set of questions, looked at from the other end of the scope is

  • Is always enough about meeting your true needs and always more just about wanting instead of needing?
  • When you are truly happy, could it be that you have enough of all you need?
  • If you are happy with yourself, what does it matter what others think?

Of course, different people have different priorities and values. That is why the life plan that I present on this website is based on personal values. Regardless of these values and priorities, long-term consequences are real. Beyond individual values, collective values that shape our societies and our economic models will impact future generations. If the system needs to change, the name of the game is: planned transition. Unfortunately, when we look at economy, people and environment, the rhetoric is too often about changing the system abruptly, which creates resistance and rightly so. Everything needs time to be done well and changing our economic model is no exception to that rule. The irony is that by no giving ourselves the time for a smooth transition, we will end up with an abrupt crisis that we will not be able to postpone anymore and there will not be many happy people when that happens.

Copyright 2019 – Christophe Pelletier – The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

Passion, Courage and Support

The three words from the title are quite important when it comes to happiness and success. To illustrate this, I will briefly tell the story of an 18-year old young man from France. Romain – that is his name – has had a passion for hospitality for years. When he turned 16, he decided to leave the mainstream high school system and start an apprenticeship to become a professional waiter with an eye to become a sommelier later on.

Passion is a powerful driver. It gives the ability to engage and pursue towards the objective regardless of difficulties and setbacks. It provides an almost indestructible optimism and perseverance. With regards to success, passion certainly contributes greatly to achieve what others might consider difficult or risky. Passion gives a confidence and a desire that shows others that success is possible. This is exactly what Romain has demonstrated over the past two years. His passion and motivation have helped him dare something different and so far he has achieved amazing results. Next to passion, he also has enough courage to dare into new challenges and see what he is worth.

Romain during the competitionHe decided to get out of his comfort zone and to participate in a couple of professional contests. Romain lives not too far away from Lyon and Burgundy. These regions have strong culinary traditions. Some of the greatest French chefs and restaurants are located in the Lyon area. For instance, Paul Bocuse or the Troisgros brothers made their marks from this part of France and achieved worldwide fame. Just one year in apprenticeship, he enlisted to compete in a regional hospitality contest. There were 286 candidates nationwide. He finished second. This opened him the possibility to test himself in the national contest, in which only the top 28 from the regional events were competing. He finished 17th while facing candidates with many more years of practice and experience, and quite a few twice his age. As the professional jury and observers know how to look beyond just the ranking at the event, they are able to spot potential. And Romain has plenty of it, just as well as he has the courage to put himself on the line. This serves him well because after his participation at the national level contest, he got approached by a high-end restaurant owner who wishes to keep in touch with him for later, as he would like to hire him. As another positive consequence of the contest, Romain has been awarded a 2-week training in a high-end restaurant of Parma, Italy, a culinary centre if there is one. There is no need to explain the feeling of pride and achievement for the young man. He dared to risk a disappointment and reaped the promise of an exciting career. Romain is not a mutant. He is pretty much what you could call the boy next door. He is just like most teenagers, a bit shy and still in the process of finding himself. The only difference with others may just be that he overcomes the little knot in the stomach and the clammy hand palms and takes a chance. After all, he had nothing to lose at this stage of his professional development. To succeed, and he does, it just takes a bit of courage to show courage. Of course, such a positive attitude is well-served when your direct environment is there to give the needed support.

The first level of support came from his family. We all hear about stories of people who had dreams and passions that got talked down by those around them. Arguments like “it is not for you” or “that is not a real job” or “in this family, we do not do that kind of work” are not uncommon. We all have heard such stories from successful artists who were stubborn enough to ignore and disobey in order to succeed. Opposite to that, how many people have ended up in jobs they dislike, simply because of pressure from relatives or teachers? Probably more than we think. At least, Romain’s family looked at his future happiness, bought in for his passion and did everything that was possible to find him a good school, a good apprenticeship restaurant and to make him feel that they believed in him and in his future in the professional choice he made. More support came from his teachers who understood his passion and noticed his talent for the hospitality business. That, too, gives a welcome boost to achieve success. And of course, Romain gets full support from his employers at the restaurant where he works as an apprentice. Quite early in his job, they realized his potential and on a busy day with a shortage of staff, they asked him to take charge of the gastronomic restaurant room. He executed his task with baffling effectiveness and professionalism. Romain delivers, and the restaurant patrons appreciate this young lad who shows so much maturity at serving them. It serves Romain quite well, too, as he regularly receives generous tips for his impeccable service. It serves him well with regards with his employers, as he gets even more support back in return for his good work.

So, there you have it! The right mix of passion, courage and support working together to help achieving success, fulfillment and the promise of a happy future for those who have it.

Note: One more detail about Romain: he is my nephew. Like the rest of the family, I am really impressed at what he is achieving. He would love to have an assignment abroad, ideally in New York City. Hopefully, this article will bring him some new opportunities.

Copyright 2014 – Christophe Pelletier/The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

I want to hear laughter!

Here is the best anti-stress medicine I know: laughter. I have applied it in my professional life as well as in my personal life and it works superbly, and there is no negative side effects known to man.

Hahaha!I have spent a long part of my career in industries dealing with perishable products. Per definition, such products cannot be stored for very long and this makes the business dynamics quite intense, and often stressful, as “everything must go” and for a profit, mind you. Therefore, my assignment to them, next to (or I should say as part of) doing the job was to make me hear some laughter. It did not matter what the reason would be, as long as there would be fun. In that line of work, we were lucky to be able to find many reasons to laugh because we were dealing with colorful characters and we could easily find the funny absurdities of the business. The head office would involuntarily also provide for much material to us as well. If my staff would not laugh frequently enough to my liking, I would pop in and bring some craziness of my own to help them out. The results were amazing. With a small team (comparatively to other units of the company or to competitors), we were able to deliver a performance second to none, we were able to solve more problems than the others were, and we were having fun. Even as we worked long hours, nobody burned out. On the contrary, success was constantly bring new and more energy to our team. Once again, the boring, unimaginative and bureaucratic HR department was wrong. Managing is getting things done by your team. Therefore, you had better take good care of your people, and the best way to do that is to have them laugh on the job. It means that they are having fun, and when you are having fun at work, it does not feel like work. Good managers know what is right for their business. Have them laugh!

Copyright 2009 The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

Ten Signs of a Happy Person

Just hap-pyHappy people are easy to spot. In no particular order of course, you will notice the following about happy people:

  • They are in good health
  • They smile, laugh often, and look at others in the eyes when talking to them
  • They are assertive, and not aggressive
  • They do not show signs of envy or criticize others; they have a positive attitude
  • They are loved and make other people happy
  • They have no addiction, because they just do not need any
  • They like what they do, personally as well as professionally, and they like who they are
  • They are themselves, and they accept others the way they are.
  • They are not selfish or self-centered
  • Problems do not seem to stick to them; they just deal with them.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet, how many people do you know meet the above?

Copyright 2009 – The Happy Future Group Consulting Ltd.

Just Be Yourself!

Being oneself a prerequisite for those who want to grow and be happy in life, personally as well as professionally. Although it would sound like an easy thing to achieve, too many people seem to have difficulties getting there. Many internal and external reasons can explain that, but it is always possible to change for the best.

Why is being oneself so important?

Quite obviously, if you are not yourself, then who are you? The question alone makes clear that it will difficult to know who you are. If you think you are some of your role model, realize that he/she probably was him/herself, and that is why they got in that position of role model. Moreover, if you are playing being someone else, you will miss the opportunity to genuinely improve yourself and achieve higher fulfillment in life.

How can you be yourself?

This can take more or less time to find out, but it is possible and not that complicated. It depends on you. All you need is to have people you trust giving you candid feedback. You have to understand that even the most popular people are not perfect. They have their insecurities as well. An easy way of discovering yourself it to find what you like most and what you like less in less. Capitalize on your assets and limit your liabilities! Accept your limitations and enjoy your talents! After all, no one is talented in everything. All you need to be happier is to do what you do best and like doing it. To find out who you are and to be yourself, you are just going to need to determine how much will, dare, capability and knowledge you have.

Deal with other people’s judgment!

Unfortunately, everyone has an opinion about other people. Most of the time, the judgment is based on very partial information. Most disputes are the result of a lack of communication, of not knowing each other well

It is impossible to please everyone. Whatever you may do and whoever you maybe, there always will be someone out there to criticize you. That is human nature. The only feedback that counts is the one from people who really know you well, and that you trust enough to give you their opinion. Asking these trusted people for feedback is not a test. It is not about passing or failing, but it is about self-knowledge and possibilities of improvement. True friends will not turn you down. They will be candid, and they will do their best to avoid hurting your feelings. Be assured that they will tell you how to improve your life.

Also realize that it is better to get some bad feedback on whom you really are than on whom you trying to be, because in that case, the information is useful for you. If you find difficult to accept yourself, you need to consider two things. First, you are not the only person who feels that way. A surprising large of majority of people tends to underestimate themselves. Secondly, most people have much more potential than they think. All they need is to take more chances. You need to show the world what you can!

Finally, always make sure that you are the one deciding for yourself. Peer pressure as well as your social environment, not even to mention marketing campaigns and the media, have a very powerful impact on how many people think they should be. It is not to them to decide about that. Dare to challenge them! Also, realize that people who are themselves always attract compatible people, thus making their lives more interesting and more fulfilling.

Happiness’s Worst Enemy: Fear

If it is not always easy to find out what makes people happy, it is not difficult to find many reasons why they are unhappy.

In the long list of factors hindering someone from being happy, one reason comes out in particular: fear. In the book “Who moved my cheese?” a quote sums that up: “When you are not afraid, you feel free”. This statement is so true. Fear has a particular ability to make people create their own mental prison, from which it can be difficult to escape. It paralyses us.

There are many causes of fear. Here are just a few, merely because they are rather obvious examples: fear for the own safety, fear of losing a job, fear of losing someone, fear of rejection, fear of failure, etc. Actually, fear produces the opposite of happiness. Happy people expand and radiate. They look for what will come next.

Happiness puts people in motion. It is a very powerful driver to enjoy more of life, since life feels great, and to become more active. When they are afraid, many people tend to undertake less, to isolate themselves, and to become passive. Clearly, such feelings are very negative. With such a mindset, it is difficult to feel happy, and the risks of possible health issues are quite real.

Is the best way to become happy to overcome your fears? To some extent it is, as less fear means fewer inhibitions. The best way to be happy is to be alive. To get there, it is necessary to feel alive first. Of course, this does not mean that ignoring fear is a good solution, as fear has a function of self-preservation, but there are ways of accepting fears and managing them. The best advice is: live! Take chances without putting yourself unnecessarily at risk! Enjoy and be happy about what you have, instead of being unhappy about what you do not have! That latter part will come eventually.

In the End, It Is All About Happiness

Although we sometimes tend to deny it or to forget about it, all our actions are about happiness.

At work, people want to have a rewarding job. They want to feel appreciated and make the money they think they deserve. The boss wants to see good results. The customer wants to get the proper quality. In our personal lives, we look for the right relationships, we have hobbies, and we like spending time with our friends and loved ones.

Why do we wish for all of the above and for more? The answer is simple. When things go our way, it makes us feel good; it makes us feel happy!

Why do people change jobs? Why do people divorce? For these questions, too, the answer is simple. We change our life when we are not happy about it. Yet, not everyone makes such changes. Some settle with an unsatisfying situation. Does this make sense to anyone?

According to the theory of Henri Laborit, it does. He was a French neurobiologist and writer who studied the behavior of people when they face adverse situations. According to him, people have three ways to deal with unpleasant situations such as conflicts:

  • Running away
  • Fighting back
  • Inhibition

The French movie, Mon Oncle d’Amérique, illustrates his works by means of a comparison with lab experiments. The research background presented in the movie is a set of experiments with lab rats that Laborit carried out.

In the first experiment, the rat is in a cage with two compartments separated with a wall that has an opening allowing the rat to change compartments. Only one compartment has a floor that can be electrified. The rat gets a warning with a buzzer and four seconds later, the current flows in the floor. Very quickly, the rat realizes that when it goes into the other compartment, where the floor is insulated, it escapes the punishment. All the physical tests carried out show that the rat is in perfect health. The rat is fine.

Then, the operator shuts the opening between the two compartments. The rat cannot escape the punishment. Very quickly, we can see the rat being completely stressed, with its hair straight up and breathing quickly. The rat is not doing well at all.

Then, the operator adds a second rat in the cage. Both rats have no other choice than to take the electrical current. Instead of getting stressed and ill, the rats fight with each other, and it appears that this helps the dominant one to be perfectly healthy again.

The message of the movie is that people experience such situations everyday in our societies, and it affects them. Sometimes, they choose to run away from difficult situations to avoid the tension, such as quitting a job because of a bad boss, instead of enduring stress every day. Sometimes, they fight back, even fight literarily, although the laws do not accept violence as a way of resolving conflicts. When people have no possibility to run away or fight, Henri Laborit’s theory is that they choose inhibition and do nothing at all. They simply take the punishment. Some can compensate this by fighting with their spouses at home, but this usually does not bring much good, either. According to Laborit, inhibition is the stage of angst, and angst is the result of the inability to cope with a situation that seems to have no solution. This usually results in ailment and even diseases, be it physical like ulcers or even cancer, or be it psychological leading to neurosis or depression. Turning against the own body becomes the way of fighting back, and the ultimate act of violence that one can commit against oneself is suicide.

On the other hand, he also noticed that when the rat experiences something that brings satisfaction and pleasure, its natural impulse is to get more of it. If it feels good, then it must be good!

This illustrates nicely how important it is to try constantly to look for satisfaction in our lives, at work and at home.

Excerpt rom Mon Oncle d’Amerique (in French)